Humor

"We aren't a glum lot. . . we think cheerfulness and laughter make for usefulness."

Alcoholics Anonymous, page 132

Gotta joke or cartoon you wanna share? Email it to: Webmaster@OASouthBay.org

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut her up with cookies..."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The Garlic Diet:
You don't lose weight, you just look thinner from a distance.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The most fattening thing you can put in a dessert is a spoon.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

There is nothing light about cellulite.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The obesity epidemic: OBESITY IS A GROWING PROBLEM.

OVEREATING HAS HEAVY CONSEQUENCES.
--Daniel Worona

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I have been on a diet for two weeks, and so far I've lost fourteen days!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Dear God,
So far, so good. I've done very well today, and have been on my best behavior. I haven't eaten any junk food, haven't eaten any candy or sweets, haven't raided the refrigerator, and haven't sat around munching and watching TV. I'm really thrilled about that!

But in a few moments, God, I'm going to get out of bed, and from then on I'm probably going to need a lot more help with my diet.

Thank you. Amen.

The above borrowed from Daniel L. Worona's DIET HUMOR website.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Here is a funny website: Martha Stewart Parody.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

CALORIE BURNING ACTIVITIES

Jumping to conclusions	100
Swallowing your pride	50
Passing the buck	150
Pushing your luck	250
Wading through paperwork	300
Jumping on the bandwagon	200
Balancing the books	25
Running around in circles	350
Climbing the ladder of success	750
Adding fuel to the fire	160
Wrapping it up at the day's end	20
Opening a can of worms	50
Putting your foot in your mouth	300
Starting the ball rolling	90
Going over the edge	450
Picking up the pieces	550
Counting eggs before they hatch	180
Calling it quits	2

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

This person dies and shows up at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter asks "What religion are you?"
The person replies that they have never been especially religious, so they must be in the wrong place. Saint Peter says "We don't make mistakes up here, so we'll just take you around and see where you feel most comfortable."
The first room they go to has lots of candles and everybody is kneeling and praying. Saint Peter says they are Catholics. That doesn't look comfortable to the newcomer, so they move on.
The next room has everybody intently studying beautiful, ancient books. Saint Peter says they are Jews. That doesn't seem right either.
But the next is full of people laughing and joking and hugging and slapping each other on the back. Saint Peter is ask "Who are these people?" He replies "We don't know. They won't tell us."